


Bring me back to reason

by Baashira



Category: Ultimate Spider-Man (Cartoon 2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baashira/pseuds/Baashira
Summary: Sam isn't usually the most attentive person in the world, but even he could see something different about Peter's behavior. He doesn't understand why he is so attached to it, until all the points come together in his head and he just asks himself how he didn't notice it before.OrWhere Sam only realizes his feelings too late to take action, but we all know how it ends.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Sam Alexander, Sam Alexander/Peter Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Bring me back to reason

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what I should put here, this is the first time that I write for AO3 and it is totally different from the other platforms that I got used to, so maybe there is something confusing here. English is also not my native language, so forgive me for any mistakes.
> 
> And for anyone interested in Fancast (maybe it's just me, but anyway) I imagined Sam as Dylan Jordan and Mary Jane as Sadie Sink, just as I imagined Peter as Tom Holland out of laziness to look for a public figure similar to Peter from 12041
> 
> Maybe I'll write more about Marvel here, let's see how things are going.

Sam Alexander was not an idiot. Okay, maybe sometimes. But he could see that there was something wrong with Peter. This was already the third mission on which he was distracted, and ended up hurting himself unnecessarily. Sam didn't know how much longer he was going to put up with this.

— Are you going to keep pretending there's nothing going on? — Sam asked as soon as Ava, Danny and Luke left the Medbay of the Helicarrier, Peter's eyes fixed on him. — Really, Parker?

— Give me a break, Sam. — Peter said, sitting on the stretcher with his knees against his chest and hands clasped around his shins, without eye contact. Sam could see the purple bruise running from the corner of his cheek to Peter's jaw, clearly remembering the spanking he took. — It was an accident.

— The third, Teias. — Sam crossed his arms over his chest, letting his shoulder blades rest on the wall behind him. — And it is not only when we are in the field, even at school you are all... oblivious? Look, I really don't know what's going on with you, but if I were you, I would fix it soon.

— As if it were that easy. — Peter grunted, shrugging and Sam kind of felt bad with the gesture. He was starting to get really worried about what was going on with the spider. A silence followed before Peter continued. — That is all?

— Yes. — Sam snorted, leaving the Medbay angrily and leaving Peter alone for his own thoughts.

...

Sam doesn't get his and Peter's conversation out of the mind at night. He always had this habit when he wasn't sleepy enough to sleep at Helicarrier's curfew, this thing of going over everything that happened to him that really pissed him off but he tried to ignore it and just seems like he can't do it no matter how much strain.

Usually these thoughts are focused on the cloudy feelings he had for his father, or the longing for his mother and sister at Carefree. But not tonight, and he just doesn't know why.

Then he simply looks at the digital clock on the nightstand and realizes that it is almost two in the morning. He snorts by pulling his cell phone off the charger, and he just gives up trying to sleep. He knows he can't do it.

...

— Sam, darling, you look terrible. — MJ said stroking her cheek in a friendly gesture.

— Thanks for the kind words, M. — Sam huffed, rubbing his eyes.

— Hey, I'm serious. Did you even sleep?

— Not tonight. — Sam admitted scratching the back of his neck. — Am I really that bad?

— Oh dear. It looks like a truck hit you, but you look great. — MJ said with a shrug. A shiver ran down Sam's spine, on yesterday's mission, he actually came face to face with a truck. Long story. MJ is scared. — But seriously now, is everything okay?

— Sure. — Sam shrugged. His eyes rolled around the canteen, looking discreetly at the table where Peter, Ava and Danny were, where he saw that Peter was already looking at their table with a cloudy look, his head resting on his hand on the table. Sam frowned at him, and that was enough for Peter to realize he had been noticed. His entire face went red as his uniform and he started to talk to Ava as if he were trying to disguise it. Sam shook his head without understanding what it was and looked back at MJ. — Why wouldn't you be? — He grunted scratching his temple.

— Uhm. — MJ followed the direction of his eyes to Peter's table before turning them to Sam. A smug smile taking his lips. — I think I understand. — MJ said taking a long sip of her diet soda. — You noticed it too, didn't you?

— I realized what? — Sam asked, clearly curious as he stirred his noodle with his fork. He didn't even eat half.

— Ah, Sam. Speaks seriously? — MJ asked rolling his eyes. — And me thinking that Peter was inattentive. — The redhead pushed the tray aside and leaned over the table. — Honey, if I were you, I would start stitching together.

— What does that mean? — Sam asked crossing his arms. The bell was ringing for her unhappiness, announcing the end of the break.

— I think you'll have to find out. — MJ said shrugging and getting up to go to his office. — Do yourself a favor, Sam. You are smart, start paying more attention.

Sam snorted as MJ left the canteen along with most of the students. He fixed his gaze on Peter without realizing it and saw when the brunette got up and went to Mary Jane with a huge smile, his face still flushed, but with a softer tone. Sam couldn't help but frown at both of them.

"Putting the dots together" MJ's imaginary voice rang in his ears.

...

For the next three classes, Sam watched Peter like a hawk. He would blame MJ for that if anyone asked.

Peter occasionally looked at Sam as if he didn't notice. He thought he was going crazy, until he noticed that Mary Jane was sitting next to him. Things started to make sense, and it started to bother Sam.

The subtle glances in the canteen and classroom, the distracted way in the missions, the excessive blushing when Sam noticed him, were all so obvious. Peter is in love. He likes Mary Jane, how did Sam just miss it? God, maybe he was an idiot.

It's just... it explains everything. But it looks so... weird? It's like something isn't right, but Sam doesn't know what it is. He should probably be happy for Peter and MJ, they would definitely make a lovely couple, but it just doesn't seem right. He doesn't know why and this is already becoming a recurring phrase, he hates it.

So when it's almost six o'clock in the afternoon, Sam goes to Peter's instead of going back to the Helicarrier. They got into the habit of spending Fridays playing together, as the whole team always has an excuse to avoid those moments. But today it wouldn't be just that, Sam was 94% sure that Peter was in love, and he was going to take the test.

Honestly, it is not important that Peter is in love, and Sam knows it. What bothers you is that even if you know, the subject still makes you nervous, and that sucks.

Anyway, Sam has been knocking on the door for a few minutes, and he's starting to think that Peter forgot about game fridays and left the house. He was turning to go when Peter opened the door with an almost impressive sleepy face that was barely disguised.

— What a delay, huh? — Sam comments, passing directly by Peter and throwing himself on the sofa in the living room. — It looks like you died, man.

— I look better than you. — Peter responds by scratching his eyes, and Sam knows that as bad as he is, nothing beats Parker's condition. He's barefoot in shabby jeans and a ragged, dirty sweatshirt with dried stains of tomato sauce and mayonnaise, his face scrunched up and his brown hair splayed in all directions. Sam clicks his tongue refusing to retort and Peter takes a moment to look at himself. — Okay, maybe that's not true.

— Oh, swear? — Sam asked with a raised eyebrow and Peter rolled his eyes, but Sam could still see a barely concealed smile dancing over his thin lips. Sam smiled at the sight. — Street Fighter?

— Let's go. — Peter said throwing himself on the other side of the couch. — But know that I will break you. — He declared with a smug smile as he connected the video game. Sam took a deep breath, it was now or never.

— The way you are all in love, I doubt it. — Sam said shrugging and taking a console from the table in front of the sofa. His relaxed tone contrasted his anxiety. It was time to see if he was right.

— What? — Peter asked after a moment of silence. His tone a little louder than a whisper. Sam turned his gaze to Peter, seeing his face dyed red, his shoulders hunched, eyes wide and lips parted. — I-I, I don't... what did Ava tell you?

— Does Ava know?! — Sam opened his eyes wide and crossed his arms. He sincerely should have expected this, explained why Peter was spending lunch with her and not with MJ. — Why am I always the last to know everything that happens here?

He snorted and turned his torso to face Peter on the couch. He was so cringed and uncomfortable that Sam was really feeling guilty at that moment, but he was really hurt that Peter didn't say anything. I mean, of everyone on the team, he was closest to Peter.

He kept visiting May as an excuse 'to piss off the spider. They always played together and spent hours patrolling with each other as if they were the kings of the world. Okay, they were always fighting, but never for something really serious. It was more friendly teasing than anything else, and Sam knew that Peter enjoyed small disputes as much as he did if the relaxed smiles were any indication.

Ava and Peter were as good friends as Peter was to Danny and Luke, but really? He shouldn't care, but, man, he does. Lately he has cared too much, and he hates it. But it is what he feels. He cares for Peter. Admitting it to your own mind is a mixture of relief and pure terror.

He really should say something now.

— Hey, uhm. — Sam scratched the back of his neck when he looked away while Peter was distracted with his fingers. — I know it's not my account but-

— How did you find out? — Peter asked with a look almost guilty, Sam was really caught in the brown eyes that Peter insisted on avoiding.

— You are not really synonymous with discretion, you know? — Sam shrugged. — If it's any consolation, I have no idea who it is.

It was a lie. Sam was sure it was Mary Jane, but Peter's relieved sigh when Sam said no was worth it. From the way MJ spoke to him, he suspects her to know, and he doesn't even want to think about why she didn't say anything to Peter himself.

Maybe she's waiting for him declare. Although his attitude of initiative is totally contradictory, Sam knows well how Peter is shy and withdrawn. It would be a victory if he could talk about his feelings openly, and it would be MJ's face to have such a plan. Even if it were him in her place, he would take the first opportunity.

If I were her instead. Sam repeats the phrase in his mind, shaking his head to ignore it.

— So, uh... — Peter bit his lower lip and Sam followed the movement with his gaze. Peter always did that when he was embarrassed, Sam knew. He knew a lot. — Can we star playing? I- I kind of prefer to forget about it.

— Sure. — Sam shrugged as if it didn't matter. It matters. He knows it matters, 'it matters to him at least. And coming to that conclusion now, when you know Peter likes someone else, it sucks.

He likes Peter Parker. And it's so obvious when it crosses your mind, that Sam wants to beat himself up now. They deviate to other matters during the game, laugh at any idiocy as they always do before Sam cooks something for both of them and Peter starts to digress about science projects that Sam just doesn't record in his mind. In his defense, it's not like Peter pays attention when he talks about space.

It's nice to know that Peter is there to listen, to do compainha. To know that they can count on each other 'for that. Talk about everything and nothing, without knowing exactly why things are because it doesn't matter 'to them. It is good to hear the sound of Peter's laugh when Sam manages to make him laugh.

Sam is really bitter about wanting this moment to last longer. By wanting Peter to look at him, he looks the same way he looks at him, but he knows Peter's feelings, and he knows he has something to learn about his own.

Then he will do as he does with most of the feelings that bother him. Throw 'under the rug and hope to forget as soon as possible. It never worked, but there's always a first time 'for everything, right?

...

Sam searches through his memories, asking when it happened. When Peter's eyes started to look so comforting, when his smile became so contagious, when Sam started to be proud to bring that smile to his face.

He wonders how long ago he didn't realize what he was feeling, and honestly, he doesn't know. It just happened and he can't do anything with it. But he doesn't need to, yes, he can keep it 'to himself, he can-

— Are you even listening to me, Sam? How do you look even worse than before? — MJ said sounding clearly worried as she strummed the canteen table. — Please tell me that at least you slept today.

— For three hours. — Sam murmured with his face leaning on the table, ignoring the fact that he had completely blurred from the girl and everything around him, now he knows why Peter looked so strange. Passions are strange. — Then I woke up at dawn and could not go back to sleep. — He shrugged. — Honestly, that's not the worst part.

— And what would be?

— I understood something too late. — Sam didn't really want to tell MJ how he discovered he was in love with Peter only when he realized that the spider was in love with her. Both for believing that it is reciprocal, and for not wanting to return to the subject directly. He barely admitted to himself what he feels, who will tell someone else. But he really needs to vent now. — No big deal, I just let something pass me by without realizing it, you know?

— Not? I do not know? — She blinked confused. — Okay, you are never so mysterious. You haven't slept properly for two days and it's been weird all week, what happened, Sam?

— I don't want to talk about it, M. Sorry.

— You've been walking too long with Peter, it's starting to sound like him. — She said sipping her coffee.

— Yeah, maybe. — Sam swallowed. — Hey... — Sam was going to ask her if she was going to do anything about Peter's crush, but he knew that regardless of the answer, he would be unhappy. If Mary Jane responded to his feelings, they would be together and as much joy as he wished for his friends, he would always want it to be him instead of her. If she didn't respond, then Peter would be broken, Sam knows how he is in relation to people, although he tries to be strong. Everyone has a limit and Sam knows Peter's. — Can I eat your potatoes? — At least he had good quick thinking.

— Sure. — She took them suspiciously, but didn't even hesitate to hand them over to Sam. - I was already starting to get worried about your food.

...

MJ and Peter were two incredible people and deserved it, Sam was well aware of that. He just keeps throwing his feelings deep in his chest, he can handle it. I mean, Sam Alexander here? New? Big hero? If he can deal with cosmic villains he can deal with a passion.

Except he is not coping. He's ignoring it, and it sucks because now he's at the top of the Avengers tower that gives the view of the whole city, sitting on the floor next to Peter, resting from another patrol, and he just doesn't know what to say.

He has so much about Peter hanging around in his mind the last few days that all he wants now is for the world to be silent for a moment.

— What 's making you so quiet, bucket head? This is scary, just so you know. - Peter said, taking off his mask and letting the wind completely control his hair. He looked like a puppy with disheveled fur. Cute. — Uh... Land calling Nova? 

— Just thinking, spider.

— Okay. This is really scary, I swear, not even horror movies are so distressing.

— You're an idiot, Parker.

— I know. — Peter gave a smug smile that only served to remind Sam how in love he was.

— Peter, I need to ask. - Sam didn't know what he was talking about. He probably didn't even know what he was thinking, but he should stop. - Why didn't you say anything 'to the person you like? He saw Peter's face go back to tomato red, lit up by the New York lights. Sam took off his headdress, keeping it by his side so the suit would remain. It was only fitting that Peter saw him too. — It's okay if you don't want to answer.

— Why do you want to know? — Peter asked curious.

— Similar situation, I think? Sam swallowed, trying to sound natural, but afraid to end up talking too much. He saw Peter's eyes widen in his direction. — Don't even start.

— Samuel Alexander? Peter raised an eyebrow, the corners of his lips lifted almost in a smile, although he seemed more forced than amused. — And who gave the bad luck?

— Shut up. — Sam said giving an elbow to Peter, getting a laugh from him and allowing himself to let out a barely contained snort of laughter. — You're deviating the subject, spill it.

— For the same reason as you, I think? Peter shrugged, taking a deep breath before looking Sam in the eye. — Fear of the answer not being the one I want to hear.

— I think it's unlikely. — Sam said sincerely, the cold night air passing unnoticed by the current of anxiety in his veins. — Why would anyone say no to Peter Parker?

— Really, Sam? — Peter raised an eyebrow, throwing the weight of the body to the arms supported behind the back. It would probably hurt someone without superhuman flexibility, but that wasn't a problem for Peter. - You yourself are able to list at any time all the reasons why I am unbearable. Even if I had to choose someone, I would choose myself. — Peter laughed nasally. This time, Sam couldn't laugh with him.

— Pete. Sam caught his eye, looking him straight in the eye without a hint of play in his tone. — Why is it so hard to believe that someone likes you?

Peter became serious, he managed to stand with his legs crossed, facing Sam and with his back against the wall behind him. Sam realizing now, how close they were to each other. He could smell smoke on the spider from a fire on the avenue. It was kind of unpleasant, but he didn't want to leave.

— I'm just me, Sam. — Peter sighed. — Arachnid powers or not, I'm just Peter Parker.

— And why wouldn't that be enough?

— Because I like someone really awesome. — Peter replied, looking lost in the New York glow. — Who deserves someone better than me. Who deserves someone nice and kind, someone who is there, who has a direction.

— Peter, this is you. — Sam frowned to roll the spider's eyes, as if he didn't take a word seriously. — Are you kidding? Cool, sure, kind, probably the nicest person in the world, you are always there when it matters, even if you spend most of your time in the Helicarrier you always find time for Aunt May, Harry or Mary Jane. And how can you say you don't have a direction? You are one of the smartest people I have ever met, probably if the world was ending, you would find a way out, you always do that. — Sam noticed Peter's sheepish look at his answer. He really couldn't go back after saying that. — Anyone would be stupid to not want to be with you.

Peter was silent after that, but Sam would not go back on his words.

— Thank you... — Peter said, as if he didn't know what else to say, fingering the mask as if he wanted to pull it hard over his face to hide his blush. — ... but even if that were true, I still don't think I could say what I feel. — He shrugged. — Did you ever say to those who like what you feel?

— ...No. — Sam admitted scratching the back of his neck, wow, this was really becoming a habit. — But my situation is different, I know that whoever I like, likes another person.

— Believe me, my situation is not so far from yours.

— I think you're not sure about that. Peter looked confused, his cheeks still slightly pink. Sam watching her curls fall over her eyes.

— And you have? — Sam nodded. — Oh.

— "Oh"? — Sam rolled his eyes, a half smile on his lips. — Yeah, not everyone has the luck of the doubt, man.

Peter licked his lip like a habit of nervousness, Sam simply caught his eye in the gesture.

— If... you didn't know? If you were alone and face to face with those you care about and had the opportunity to tell that person how you feel about them, would you do that? — Peter asked, pulling away from the wall and keeping his spine relaxed forward. Impossibly closer, Sam didn't move away. — What would you say?

— If I were in this situation ... — He was. — ...I don't know? — Sam fixed his eyes on Peter's brown ones, he could almost feel his breath. He was so, so close. — Maybe I would say that I can no longer turn off my mind, that it all came down to this drug of sentimentality that I don't know how to handle. But it’s good, I don’t know how it can be, but it’s good. It's good when we're together, it's good when I just get lost in that feeling. Sam leaned forward, a voice in the back of his mind screaming for him not to stop. Peter did not step back. He doesn't either. — I would say that all these confused feelings are worth it. Because I'm completely in love, and I think I can't go back.

It was the first time in the past few days that Sam had really felt at peace. When his lips joined Peter's, everything seemed to fit together, everything felt so right. Peter's hands on her cheek in a gentle caress, her own right hand on the back of her neck as her left-hand pushed her lower lip away.

Peter's bewildered breath, the way he let himself lean back, his back reaching the wall again. His tongue against his own, the way his lips moved, the shy way Peter sighed during the kiss. It was all about him, it was him, Sam was sure, that's why it felt so right.

— So ... — Sam asked a little breathlessly when they walked away. — Isn't it Mary Jane?

— 'Are you kidding? — Peter asked incredulously, looking adorable with his lips just not as red as his cheeks and wide eyes as if he couldn't believe what he heard. — How did you think MJ was?

— I'm an idiot? — Sam said scratching the back of his neck. — I swear, anyone would have said the same.

— We are two idiots then, I think. — Peter gave him a lazy smile and Sam smiled back without even realizing it. — Wait. When you asked me if I wasn't sure, did you think I was talking about Mary Jane?

— Maybe? — Sam gave an awkward laugh. God, he was a mess. — Oh, so you thought it was a hint?

— I don't even know if I thought of anything. — Peter shrugged, Sam could see even the tip of his ears getting a lovely shade of red. — I know I usually think too much, talk too much, but... can we just repeat now? I mean, I- — Peter was cut off by the unexpected touch of Sam's lips in a chaste peck.

— Are you talking about that? — Sam asked with a smug smile.

— Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course...

Peter got lost in the middle of the ramblings as he leaned over. When Sam felt his lips joining Peter's again, he knew they didn't need to say anything more. For a single moment, everything was fine as it should be.


End file.
